Alaska, Day One: Why I Will Never, NEVER Fly Northwest Airlines Again

Northwest Airlines has always given me trouble. Delayed (or sometimes) missed flights, poor customer service, and lost baggage are just a few examples. But perhaps worst of all was their resistance to my redeeming a free flight voucher I obtained when I voluntarily gave up my seat on a flight in March 2008. I tried to redeem the voucher on multiple occasions, and each time was met with the line, “I’m sorry sir, but there are no available seats on that flight for purchase with your travel voucher.” Did I mention that the voucher was only valid for one year?

I’m not normally a vindictive, spiteful person. Yet I must admit that by the time February rolled around and my voucher had yet to be honored by Northwest, I became somewhat frustrated. In response, I decided to find out the most expensive location Northwest flies to and book a ticket there (i.e., I stuck it to “The Man”). Although it took several phone calls, a blundered ticket, an erroneous charge on my credit card, certified mail, and switching dates, I finally obtained my prize: a free roundtrip ticket to Alaska.

Given our rocky past, I should not have been surprised by my experience with Northwest Airlines today. For the first leg of travel, we sat on the ground for almost an hour-and-a-half while we de-iced, had an equipment malfunction, and de-iced again because the response to the malfunction took too long. Now when I say “equipment malfunction,” I’m referring to the pilot’s announcement that “…during de-icing, one of the workers noticed part of a gasket poking up out of the plane. We’re going to pull up to a maintenance area where they can trim it off, do some paperwork, and then we can get on our way.”

When I was a little boy, I, too, noticed some unauthorized poking out, only it was on top of my head and not on my plane (as I didn’t own a plane). Sadly, much to my dismay, cutting off the errant hairs did not make the problem go away; rather, I began to develop short, bristly hairs that stuck straight up and could not be tamed, even with liberal amounts of Dep Styling Gel. Apparently large, complex planes that carry hundreds of passengers high above the earth’s surface are more forgiving than a 7-year-old boy’s head, at least when it comes to trimming off offenders.

Due to our unplanned (yet strangely predictable) delay, I was somewhat anxious about catching my connecting flight from Minneapolis to Anchorage. But I needn’t have worried, for you see, Mt. Redoubt had once again erupted, causing the Anchorage airport to be shut down. The departure time for the flight kept getting pushed later and later into the day until all flights to Anchorage were cancelled. When I approached a Northwest staff member for assistance, I was told that I could either sleep on the floor or put myself up in a hotel until tomorrow morning. The staff member then returned to the conversation she was having and ignored the remainder of my questions.

In sum, day one of my Alaskan adventure was anything but. Most strangely, Alaska looks a lot like the Minneapolis/St. Paul airport. Hmm.